


This Time, I'll Protect You

by risingfire17



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, But 707 is best boi forever!, Chemical Weapons, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Grumpy Old Men, Grumpy Vanderwood, I almost started shipping MC and Vanderwood while writing this though, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Just protect them all they've been through enough, Mom Vanderwood (Mystic Messenger), Protective 707 | Choi Luciel, Protective Vanderwood, Romance, Secret Organizations, Secret Relationship, Spies & Secret Agents, Vanderwood ships MC and 707, cyanide - Freeform, protective MC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:40:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23271115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/risingfire17/pseuds/risingfire17
Summary: Saeyoung and MC balance their relationship with the dangers of his job. MC, worried for Saeyoung and wanting to do more for him, asks Vanderwood for advice. But can she handle the gruesome truth of these agents' world?
Relationships: 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character
Comments: 8
Kudos: 55





	This Time, I'll Protect You

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Description of effects of cyanide pills used by spies to commit suicide in event of capture.

Have you ever looked at the weather and assumed you knew how the day would play out? If it was sunny, the day would be a breath of warm fresh air. If it was rainy, the day would be plagued with setbacks and despair. If it was too hot, rage would fester under overheated skin. People always make a point of mentioning the weather when they tell a story, as if some subtle change in weather can predict someone’s life changing forever. I never believed in that.

Anyway, on a day I made a life-changing decision, rain had come out of nowhere. I had spent the night at Saeyoung’s house, and I had planned to leave before his boss arrived. That was an ironclad rule: I am not to be present when he is working. He says it’s safer that way.

I know very little about his job. I know he finds information others don’t want known. It’s illegal, and very dangerous. One time, he told me he doesn’t officially exist, so it’s very easy to get rid of him if he messes up. When I asked him, who would get rid of him, he said “anyone” and refused to elaborate. I think he regretted telling me anything.

One thing he made very clear, though, is that he is absolutely forbidden from having someone like me in his life. People close to agents make effective hostages, so he cannot hold anyone close. In that regard, he really isn’t cut out for this kind of work. He cherishes people. Not just me. Everyone in RFA. The brother he is still searching for in his time off. Even, I believe, Vanderwood.

Agent Vanderwood. Saeyoung’s supervisor. He comes in from time to time and makes sure work is getting done. The clutter here drives him crazy, so he usually ends up cleaning when he’s here. Saeyoung jokingly refers to him as his maid, whom he calls Ms. Vanderwood. I’ve only ever seen him in passing. The stare he gives me in those moments is one of scrutiny and exasperation. He’s never addressed me before, only referenced me once to Saeyoung, the first time I saw him.

_“You know what will happen if anyone finds out about her.”_

_“No one will, right?”_

_“Tch. Not from me. After all, it’s both our heads on the line at that point.”_

They don’t tell me, but I’ve figured it out. Their agency doesn’t want to risk their secrets getting out because of a hostage. So if an agent becomes close to someone, it eliminates the agent before that can happen. Along with the supervisor that allowed it to happen. Saeyoung could be killed because of me. But even still, I can’t leave him. I can’t let him go back into that dark world all by himself.

Besides…ever since he came into my life, I can’t live without him. Yep, I’m just a simple girl who fell in love and can’t give it up. Even if all I can do is put us in danger. Even if I can’t walk with him into that dark world. So I do all I can. I wait for him to come back into the light. I make sure he has healthy meals. I stay by his side and ensure him that there is no one I would rather be with. And I stay away from him when he is working.

That morning, we held each other and watched the rain, both knowing the truth neither of us could say: I was stuck there. Saeyoung thought to call Vanderwood; maybe he wouldn’t be able to get here in this rain, either. His face had really brightened at the thought of a whole day off work!

_“Oh, Ms. Vanderwood! Well, I was just thinking, it would be terrible of me to make you come out in this rain, so why don’t you take the day off? …Oh…oh you are?...Wow, you sure are dedicated…no, I’m not slacking off…I’ll be ready…Yes, Agent Vanderwood…ok, bye.”_

“No such luck, huh?”

“Vanderwood…is using a transport designed for a situation like this. He’ll be here in five minutes.”

Watching him, I could feel his body grow tenser as if it was my own doing so. I hated seeing him worry because of me. I reassured him I would be fine, and I would not peek into his office. If the rain let up, I would go home. If not, I would stay out here. Either way, I would wait for him where it was safe. He relaxed only a bit as he wrapped me in his protective embrace, but it was a start.

At that moment, Vanderwood walked in, his face instantly filling with exasperation.

_“707, what the hell?”_

_“It’s fine. Let’s go work in my office.”_

And that was that. The two of them walked silently into that dark room, leaving me to wish I could do more for the man I loved.

As lunchtime drew near, the rain still hadn’t let up. There was a flash flood warning, and no traffic was allowed. I took to the kitchen. The bright side of all this was I could make sure he ate well today. I started some rice and pulled meat and vegetables from the freezer. I would have preferred to work with fresh vegetables, but I had already stopped bringing those here, since they spoiled before he had time to cook them. Honestly, the ingredients were only here for when I came over. When I wasn’t around, he lived on chips and soda.

I had just finished cooking and was wondering how to tell them lunch was ready when Vanderwood came out. We made eye contact and he made his way toward me. I realized this was my first time interacting directly with Saeyoung’s aloof supervisor. He really was a terrifying looking person, clearly not living up to all the “Ms. Vanderwood” jokes.

He towered over me, with arm muscles that looked like they could rip me in half, something his snug-fitting suit did nothing to hide. I looked up at his face, which appeared to be around 30-35 years old, with skin stretched taut over prominent jaws and cheekbones, and a shadow or stubble. His coarse light brown hair was pushed out of his face to reveal dull amber eyes that seemed to view everything as an obstacle to clear. At that moment, they were peering down narrowly at me. They seemed to be searching, maybe for the meaning of my existence in this domain that should be his at this moment. In every way, he looked like a weathered and jaded soldier who would not hesitate to kill anyone in his way.

But…this man had also looked after Saeyoung since he was a teenager. He kept him safe by making sure he got his work done. He cleaned up around the house, even nagged the young man to “listen to that girl and eat a proper meal.” And, sometimes, the way he looks from me to Saeyoung with such exasperation…I can’t help but think there may be some worry for his partner mixed in there. This might be speculation on my part, but can anyone, even this scary man, look after someone for so long and not come to feel protective of them? Maybe it’s wishful thinking, a desperate wish for there to be someone in this world who can protect Saeyoung like I wish I could.

At any rate, I wanted to be able to get along with this man, for Saeyoung’s sake. So I forced myself to look up at him and greet him cheerfully. “Ms. V- ah! I mean, Mr. Vanderwood! I made lunch!” Great. I had already messed that up. _Damn Saeyoung with all your Ms. Vanderwood jokes!_

He didn’t look angry, but mildly surprised. “Mister, huh?” When I couldn’t muster a reaction save for a quizzical look, he explained, “We don’t have names, only codes, no need for titles like Miss and Mister. You’ve been misled by 707’s games. I don’t mind them, since he tends to work faster when he plays like that. Anyway, just call me Vanderwood.”

“Ah, Vanderwood, then. I…made lunch for you guys.”

"Ah, I was just about to search for something more substantial than those damn chips. 707’s on a big job, and if he passes out it would be trouble for me.” He pulled a bowl out of the cabinet and loaded it. “Looks like you saved me some trouble.” He turned to Saeyoung’s room with the bowl.

“Wait, Vanderwood! Could I…take it to him?” I immediately regretted asking and began to tremble. Vanderwood turned and gave me a glare, which quickly cooled to his usual mild exasperation.

“707 is busy right now. You’d be too much of a distraction for him.” He abruptly turned and disappeared into Saeyoung’s room. I sank onto the common room couch and began to pick at my food, my appetite gone.

Vanderwood had a point. It’s not very professional to have your girlfriend visit you at work, even if the office is in your home. But it seemed like everything was going wrong. I couldn’t do anything for him, and I managed to infuriate the only one who may be able to help him.

After some time, I saw Vanderwood go into the kitchen. I can remember thinking; _I hope he at least likes the food._ Surprisingly, he didn’t go back into Saeyoung’s room with his food but joined me on the couch. We ate in awkward silence until I worked up the courage to say “Vanderwood, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t stop eating as he asked, “Sorry for what?”

I wasn’t sure how to respond. What was I sorry for? What did I do? I came into Saeyoung’s life. It may have caused trouble for him and myself, and for Vanderwood, but was I truly sorry for meeting Saeyoung? For falling in love with him?

As if he understood what I was thinking, the agent told me “Don’t apologize if you’re not gonna change. Otherwise you’re not really sorry.” He finished his last bite of food and rose from the couch. “Thanks for the meal,” he added before disappearing into the kitchen.

I sat there, not eating, feeling disgusted with myself. Once again, Vanderwood was right. I can only apologize if I plan to correct my actions. But what could I correct? No. What _would_ I correct? Would I walk out of their lives? Try to forget the man I love? Cry my broken heart out every night? Try to justify abandoning Saeyoung like the rest of the world had, by thinking, “at least he’s alive?”

No. I can’t do it. Then what _can_ I change? Nothing. I can’t do anything for him. I’ve known this all along. All I can do is cling to him as I draw more danger in. _I can’t protect him._

That’s when I realized it. _That’s what I want to change._ Before I even knew what I was doing, I had run into the kitchen, where Vanderwood had just finished washing his dishes. In a rush, I blurted out: “Vanderwood, I’m sorry I can’t do anything! I want to change! I want to be able to protect him!”

“You, protect 707? Don’t make me laugh, kiddo.”

“You said not to apologize unless I’m going to change something! That means I _can_ change something, right? I can get stronger, smarter! Just tell me how!”

“Tch. You saying you’ll shoot someone dead if it will protect him? You saying you’ll kill yourself it will protect him?”

“Kill…myself?”

Vanderwood smirked at me and retrieved a chain from under his shirt. He held it out to me. “Come look at this.”

Heart racing, I approached the agent. I was terrified, but I couldn’t turn away from this glimpse into Saeyoung’s world. I needed to know all I could if I would protect him. I drew close enough to hold the pendant hanging from his neck.

There were two items at the end of the chain. The first was a military identification tag. I was surprised he would show me something that held personal information like that, but I quickly realized the tag was blank. The other item looked like a black bead, small and inconspicuous behind the dog tag. Vanderwood pointed to it.

“You see this? It’s got 300 milligrams of sodium cyanide in it. If I’m captured, I pull it off here, pop, crush, swallow, and I’m dead in about five minutes.” Without letting go, I shifted my weight back away from him and looked up at him in shock.

“Wondering why, right? I’ll tell you. We agents know secrets that can buy people lifelong riches or sentence them to death. Lots of people want that knowledge. And to get it, they will kidnap and torture us.”

He looked me dead in the eyes. “Say someone kidnapped you. Wanted to know how to get into 707’s bunker. How long could _you_ keep quiet? A week, a month? Cold and dark, no food, just enough water to keep you alive and thirsty for more. Blood draws to weaken you. You’ll be delirious, seeing things. Maybe you’ll even see 707 telling you to tell them what they want to know. And if you manage to keep your mouth shut that long…” He started to grin. “That’s when the real fun starts. Tooth and nail extraction, stabbing in all the right places to miss vitals but still hurt like hell, suffocation to the brink of death, just to be brought back for more. So let me ask again: how long could you keep quiet?”

I hung my head, unable to even meet his eyes. I couldn’t tell him the truth: that I couldn’t even imagine being put through that hell, that I didn’t think I could keep a secret if it would stop that pain. Tears of self-hatred threatened my eyes, but I still managed to think of hiding them from Vanderwood, as if I still had a chance to prove my strength to him after that. My eyes settled on the cyanide bead still in my hand. I grasped it more tightly.

“But this, it…makes it stop, right?”

“Yes. Stops your body using the air it gets. You’re still breathing but you feel like you’re choking. Your head starts to pound. You feel dizzy, hot and cold at the same time, think the worst fever you ever had but way worse. Then your heartbeat slows, blood pools in your heart and lungs and you start to drown in it. You cough the blood up ‘till your throat won’t move. Worst five minutes of your life. But then it’s over and you’re free. Better than torture.”

I dropped the bead and stepped away from him, head spinning as I tried to make sense of it all. No. I can’t buckle this easily when I haven’t even scratched the surface of Saeyoung’s world. I steadied myself on the counter and forced myself to look up at the agent.

His expression softened just a little. He held up the bead and began to gaze at it. When he continued, his voice was more subdued. “The agency makes us all carry one. Not to protect us, to protect the information in us. And we take them if need be, to protect ourselves from worse, because we know the agency won’t come save us. That’s the agreement we have with our employer.”

“S-seven too?”

“707 too.”

So that’s how it is. This organization made Saeyoung leave his family and work all alone in the shadows until some horrible death came for him. And at that point, the agency would do nothing to help except make sure he kills himself. All he could do was keep people away in an attempt to live longer. And still, he let me into his life, knowing I could get him killed.

“Do you understand now? _This_ is 707’s world. The more involved you get, the more dangerous it is for everyone, including him. If that matters to you, then give up this idea of ‘protecting’ him.” He put the pendant back in its place and retreated once again to Saeyoung’s office.

I spent the next hour or so in contemplation. Not the kind of feverish, emotional tumult you’d expect after hearing news like that. No, surprisingly, the heartbreak I felt for Saeyoung had made my mind surprisingly clear. I imagined death by cyanide, as Vanderwood described it. I no longer felt fear at the prospect. It was just a fact of life in this world. Five minutes of suffering was nothing to protect the one you love.

Predictably, Vanderwood was the first to emerge from the office. He walked into the common room with a duster and brushed past me without so much as eye contact. _Determined to avoid me, huh?_ But I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

“Vanderwood.” My voice came out cleared and bolder than I knew it could, and I think the agent thought so too as he turned, almost hesitantly, to me.

“Can you get me one of those pills?”

His mouth actually dropped open at that, the most intense emotional display I had ever seen from that man. “Why the hell would you want one?”

“You said it yourself. I could be kidnapped and tortured for this location. I don’t want to ever give away anything that could hurt Seven.”

He narrowed his eyes leeringly at me. “You think you could do it?”

“If it’s to protect Seven, yes. I won’t give up like you told me to. He protects me, and I’m going to learn how to protect him too.”

“Tch. You really have no sense of self-preservation, do you?”

“I do. After all, throwing my life away carelessly would make Seven’s efforts for nothing. I’m not stupid. It’s just…self-preservation isn’t the only thing important to me.”

“Clearly.” He rolled his eyes and I began to get more desperate.

“But self-preservation _is_ important to you. If I’m kidnapped, and this location is threatened, so are you! So…so help me, Vanderwood!”

It felt like an eternity that he stared at me and I stared back. I held my stance as my muscles shook from adrenaline or terror or exhaustion or desperation, or maybe all of those. My mind was clear, but my body was weak. And still I stood there, imploring this man to help me. His exasperation slowly softened into scrutiny as he weighed the pros and cons of my request. Finally, he answered.

“If you still feel that way when I see you next, then I’m sure I could easily say I broke mine and request another.”

I finally let out the breath I had been holding. My mission accomplished, my body allowed, even demanded, me to rest. My knees buckled and I collapsed on the couch. I genuinely smiled at the agent. “Don’t worry, I _will_ still feel that way.”

“Tch.” He began to clean. I had probably triggered a huge stress-clean urge, but that couldn’t be helped. As he cleaned, he asked, “Are you planning to tell 707?”

“Yes, when the time is right. And…I want him to hear it from me. So, don’t tell him, okay?”

“Pfft, _I’m_ not telling. After all, it would be both our heads on the line, then.” Somehow, I figured he would say that.

I _didn’t_ figure he’d say what he did next, nonchalantly as he continued to clean. “Not that it’s any of my business, but if you’re going this far, you may as well do some physical training and learn to fight, may reduce the chance you’ll need to use something like that.”

After that moment, I had no doubt in my mind that Vanderwood, in his own reluctant way, cared for the man he had practically raised. He _wanted_ us to work, even if he thought it impossible, simply because it made Saeyoung happy. I knew, then and there, that Vanderwood would be my ally. This was just the beginning.

I listened to the rain still thudding on the roof of the bunker. This day was not a depressing rainy day like stories always say. Instead, it was a day of new hope. I closed my eyes and made a promise:

_Don’t worry, Saeyoung. You are not alone in this. I will become as strong as I need to in order to protect what we have. I will love and protect you with my whole being. I will stay by your side, no matter what._


End file.
